There is a misperception amongst many people that if a marriage is not in a happy place, then divorce is a fairly simple way out – and once divorced all the problems of either or both spouses will be a thing of the past. This is not always the case. Especially if there are children involved.

Firstly there is the cost of the process itself which is tied to who is divorcing who and under what arrangements the marriage was made in the first place. And then there is always the tricky problems of who gets what when a home is divided, who paid for what, and who considers that their input was the greatest. It can become very complicated – and that’s even without children and the minefield of legal custody.

While divorce itself can alleviate many a bad situation and definitely create a better future for many people, there are longer term effects which must be considered if you want the outcome to be as positive as possible.

The two-way stretch

Divorce can go one of two ways: uncontested or contested. The former is the most cost-effective and can be finalised in around 1 to 3 months. A contested divorce may run to as much as 2 – 3 years and can finally end up going to trial.

When children are involved, the costs of child care have to be considered, usually until the children turn 18 or become self-dependent. Often the costs of tertiary education are included which extends financial responsibilities. Today, if both parents are earning money, they are then equally responsible for the financial care of the children, and their contributions will be individually determined by their income level.

The financial costs

When the question of costs arises, you may as well ask: how long is a piece of string? Generally, every divorce is unique – different kinds of people, situations and agreements, both before the wedding and the divorce. A divorce may be simple – both parties agreeing to the division of their assets and all arrangements regarding children before final procedures are filed. However, even an uncontested divorce can end up costing you anywhere between R5,000 and R20,000.

A contested divorce can lead to anything from R10 000 to R500 000 – especially if there is court action involved. Costs are invariably related to the complexity of the divorce settlement and care of any minor children. Costs become variable and time-based, heavily dependent on the conduct of the parties. Delays and disagreements can lead to hundreds of thousands of rands in fees and disbursements.

If your divorce is uncontested, your attorney will most likely charge a fixed fee. When a divorce is contested, one anticipates litigation and an attorney will expect you to pay a significant amount as they charge for time spent on the matter. And so time becomes money. Divorces in South Africa used to be lodged only in the High Courts which would result in even higher costs associated with the need to brief an advocate. However, the justice system in South Africa has evolved to allow Regional Courts to attend to these matters in an attempt to speed up the process and reduce the costs associated with divorces.

When the experts are called in:

In contested divorces, attorneys may draw upon the testimonies of expert witnesses by engaging:

• forensic accountants to examine the couple’s assets
• private investigators who will be tasked with gathering damaging evidence
• social welfare experts who will be required to assess which parent should act as primary caregiver to the children
• actuaries to determine the amount and duration of maintenance contributions or child support
• industrial psychologists to determine a spouse’s employability for maintenance purposes.

The emotional costs

Regardless of legal fees, real costs come when those support payments impact your wallet, your career and your life. Divorce doesn’t let you off the hook for your responsibilities – either in maintaining a home for your ex-wife and children, or the many requirements of those children as they grow up.

In fact, many divorced couples may still find themselves embroiled in negotiation about aspects regarding the upbringing of their children, custody rights and financial issues. If you are aware that divorce does not simply screen out the past, then you will be more emotionally prepared to cope with it. There are many good reasons for divorce: an abusive partner; an absent partner; lack of fidelity; continual conflict caused by incompatible personalities; and the simple fact that people can fall out of love with each other and lead unhappy lives because of this.

But whatever the reason, the commitment you once made in marriage to another person, will invariably remain an indelible part of your life. Being clear on the consequences and having a post-divorce plan for rebuilding your life is vital to creating that better path to the future you hoped for when you began those first steps towards ending your marriage.

There are emotional change factors you need to think through, and ensure you have the foresight and determination to make the outcome the best it can be for you:

• Once two homes are established, there is an immediate increase or doubling of costs that were previously shared.
• The financial commitments that you would have had with regard to your children had you not divorced, are still there, alongside the higher cost of looking after yourself.
• In addition there is often loneliness suffered by the spouse who is not the primary caregiver of the children and anxiety experienced by the one who has been left to handle the children on their own.
• Duties that were previously shared now have to be done by both parties without help.
• Along with shared responsibilities, lies the sometimes awkward path of meetings at birthdays, school functions, medical issues with the children, engagements, weddings, shared grandchildren, etc.
• Divorce is not just about freedom – but about planning a new future, rebuilding your life so that it has value for you and is not directed by resentment or regret.

Find the personal help you need

At Simpsons, while we specialise in personal injury claims, we also handle divorce and the complications of care and contact where children are concerned. We advise, guide, and help spouses through the tangle of breaking up. And we help parents negotiate what is best for both themselves and their children. We offer each client a personalised service, dealing with the financial aspects as well as the quagmire of emotions that so often accompany unhappy family matters. Our approach is framed by a need to understand our client’s position, and driven by empathy, compassion and a focus on individual attention.

Find out more about us at: www.simpsons.co.za